With International Men’s Day on 19 November, we spoke with Oxfordshire-based Philip Briscoe – archetypal mid-life man, and founder of the Midlife Men podcast in which men from all walks of life speak out about their challenges. We were grateful to find out more, both about Philp and how he came to a midlife career as a podcaster and champion of men’s mental health.
“I spent over 25 years working in the corporate world, mainly in tech. I got to about 50, I thought: I want to do something new. The latter part of my experience wasn't very positive. I realised I was probably quite depressed; anxious, I wasn't sleeping. So I thought, right, what do I do now? At 20, I’d wanted to go and study journalism. I never went, the but inner journalist, that inner writer and broadcaster, was there and kind of burst out 30 years later. I started to write fiction and had a bit of success, but then I thought, right, okay, what else?
I started this podcast called Midlife Men, because I didn't think there were a lot of resources out there to help men with the challenges they face in midlife. Not just health and mental health, but challenges around unfulfillments and career as well. What do you do next? Relationship problems. Loneliness. Ultimately what I was trying for was suicide prevention, because that's at the end of this kind of trajectory. Three times more men than women take their own lives: it's the biggest preventable cause of death for men.
I thought, ‘let's get men to talk first-hand about the challenges they’ve faced midlife’. My first interview was with a chap called Koj, one of the finalists in Master Chef a few years ago. He’d left banking to become a successful chef. That was the first episode, back in February 2023. Since then I've interviewed men from all over the world: US, Australia, Canada, Mexico, all sorts of socio-economic backgrounds, different ethnicities, different ages. Seventy episodes looking at just how similar the challenges that men face in midlife are – that they are kind of universal.
Everyone I interview has found a way forward, and they share that. My audience can relate to these stories and that might just give them the capability to start to talk to somebody. Because that's the big problem: men not actually talking about their problems, suffering in silence. Getting depressed and anxious, having suicidal thoughts and not knowing what to do next. They don't know how to unblock themselves.
This is a generalisation, but I do think women are better at sharing how they feel with their friends, whereas men are socially conditioned to not share their feelings; that showing any sort of vulnerability or weakness is a bad thing. You are judged as a weak person. You are told you need to be the strong man, man up, all these expressions which don't help. It's very ingrained, very deeply embedded. A lot of men will just repress whatever feelings they've got, and it comes out in mental illness, drinking far too much, gambling online or having affairs…”
So, how does your podcast help? “I create a safe space for men to open up and to share how they feel and offer advice on where they can go for help. There are lots of organisations like Andy's Man Group in Thame, and an organisation at South Moreton Boxing Club called The Cornerman. The idea is you go along, maybe do some kind of activity – and then you talk. A while back I interviewed the founder of Men's Shed association in the UK, and he told me: ‘If you’ve got ten men in a room and say, right, we're going to talk about mental health, half would leave. But if you were to say, right, there's a broken motorbike in the middle of the room, let's fix it, you would get men to engage with each other. Then there'd be trust, and then that's when the conversation happens’.
I subsequently wrote a book called Men Speak Up; Journeys Through Mental Health, derived from some of the podcasts. Because men do need to speak up, but it needs to be in the right environment. It's one thing raising awareness, but it’s another to get men to feel comfortable enough to open up and speak, because a lot of them are very raw. Through the podcast, men end up talking more openly and honestly.”
With that in mind, we were interested to know if Philip thinks International Men’s Day serves a purpose? “I don't think men are looking for an International Men’s Day to be celebrated as such. What’s more important is the movement (which started in Australia but is now worldwide), Movember; growing moustaches to highlight awareness around prostate and testicular cancer, as well men's mental health and suicide.”
Most of us have seen the Netflix series, Adolescence, EastEnders have recently run a storyline on the horrors of the ‘manosphere’. There’s a lot of conversation surrounding toxic masculinity, but we were curious to learn Philip’s take, in light of all he’s learned from his own experience, and those of the men with whom he’s spoken. “There is a lack of decent role models for men in general. Even middle-aged men need role models. I think there is conversation to be had around toxic masculinity, but perhaps the term itself is a bit overused as a headline grabber. However we’ve definitely got boys growing up in environments largely driven by social media, who are very confused.
Absent fathers is a big problem. If you’re a middle-aged man with children, you have a responsibility to show up, be present and step in. Increasingly, as a society, we've become very selfish and insular, we're losing that sense of community. There are lots of reasons behind this, and covid is probably one of them, but social media leaves everyone feeling somewhat inferior: everyone thinks that their lives are rubbish compared to what they're viewing online, men as well as women. It makes everyone question how successful they are in life, how we value success, how we measure it. LinkedIn has become like Instagram, full of people saying, I've just launched my fifth startup, I've raised $25 billion, I'm so successful, here's me sat on my yacht. The vast majority of people are not experiencing that, so we end up feeling quite marginalised and wondering where we fit in the world.
A lot of men are quite lonely, they focus on career, maybe they've had a family, maybe not. Maybe they’ve divorced, friends drop away and they find themself really quite alone. I think a lot of men just end up kind of paralysed, which has a really detrimental effect.”
Philip acknowledges that he’s strayed slightly from the original question, but his answer nonetheless reveals another facet to the issue. What can be done, though? “There's still a lot of work to do but I find that, increasingly, my podcast is not just for midlife men who feel a bit lost, but for the people around them too. People who love them: family, friends, colleagues. Because often people see someone suffering and they don't know what to do. Perhaps the person themselves is not even acknowledging it. My podcasts may spark someone to say to their friend or other half, their brother – whatever – ‘hey, do you think you might want to go see the GP, or find someone to talk to because there are these groups available who can help’.
It is tricky, and it’s not always easy to just sort out your mental health – especially if you are in a spiral. You can't sleep, you're feeling low, maybe you're drinking too much, but hopefully by listening to other men are talking, hearing what they've done, can help someone take the first step.”
Philip Briscoe’s book, Men Speak Up: Journey’s Through Mental Health is available to buy at amazon.co.uk.
For links to the podcast, plus more information about Philip, visit mid-lifemen.com.
