Award-winning keynote speaker and author of Because of You, This is Me, Jaz Ampaw-Farr is a self-styled positive disruptor. She’s also extremely engaging and comes across as brimming with confidence. “I don't think it's confidence: it's comfort”, she tells me, “I am comfortable with things going wrong. I have a hobby – every 20 years I go on a reality show. I went on Blind Date and it was absolutely hideous. 20 years later, I went on The Apprentice and got fired in the first week – clearly there's a track record in this.” Having done my research for our conversation, I know Jaz had a huge amount to overcome to get to where she is today, so to start off, I asked for a little background…
“I started off as a teacher. It’s hard work, and I loved it; I'm all about education. When I had my kids, I couldn't be the mum I wanted to be and the teacher I wanted to be, so I started looking at other ways that I could keep going with this career that I loved but also be a mum – many people better than me managed to do both, I wasn’t able to.
I set up my own business in literacy and phonics, and that grew into coaching. An [opportunity to give a] TEDx talk appeared, and in the talk, I shared my journey about growing up in foster care, and on the streets, and being a victim of abuse and neglect. But I don't identify as a victim. The very thing I was scared of people knowing about me was the very thing that resonated with people. I leaned into that and started getting booked to speak about resilience and flourishing; overcoming adversity and being 10% braver. I do a lot of that, and I do it in education and the public sector, and also corporate. I've won loads of awards, and I'm an international speaker but even saying it, I'm like, ‘how did that happen?’.” She continued, “I've got these amazing projects [like] working with young people in foster care in year Key Stages three and four. I help them to become public speakers over a year, and then they go out and do conferences to councils and schools.”
Curious to know more, I wondered how Jaz had learned how to speak so eloquently, and with such confidence. “I did drama as part of my teaching degree. Speaking and listening, reading and writing were all part of literacy but speaking and listening got taken out of the curriculum in state schools. I look at society and everyone's just shouting each other. You're supposed to just know how to debate but it’s a learnable skill and a teachable skill. Thinking about what school is for, perhaps we should be looking at the skills that we actually need once we leave, rather than memorising quotes by dead white guys all the time. The curriculum needs a massive upheaval.”
She goes on to tell me about how, the night before her episode of The Apprentice was screened, she learned from her estranged sister that their brother had died after taking a heroin overdose. This proved a turning point: “I realised I couldn't save Paul, but I could talk about the things that had made a difference to me. I always think you're driven by desperation or inspiration, and mine is always desperation. I'm often desperate, and I was lying. I was lying at teacher training college, telling people I was going skiing in the holidays because I didn't want them knowing I didn't have anywhere to live. I lied when I was teaching because I was scared that people might think I was one of ‘those kids’. Everything was driven by fear. I leverage that now when I'm working with 15-year-old girls living in foster care, because I know that story, so I'm actually an example of what it's like on the other side of that, what healing looks like, and what you can go on to do afterwards.
My whole shtick is about connection, about meeting people where they are [but] I'm not interested in inspiring people, I'm very big on what are you going to do next? What are you going to start doing? What are you going to stop doing? All of that requires me to be one to one, shoulder to shoulder, person to person.
When you start teaching, they say, ‘don't smile ‘til Christmas’, and that's to protect you. Teaching will make you cry, but it’s about relationships. It costs me to stand on stage, and I'm honest about that. People come up to me and say, ‘you're inspirational’, and I'm like, ‘great – what have I inspired you to do?’. I want a return on my investment. I want change, and I want change more than I want to be right: I have a phrase: professionally vulnerable, personally authentic.
I'm not going to turn the volume down, pretend blend in, try and make myself acceptable. It’s unfiltered, me. I spent 40 years of my life [feeling] terrified, guilty, shameful, in toxic relationships. I've got 40 years left, fingers crossed, and I don't want that. The world's had me compromising. I'm not doing that anymore. I feel like it's never too late to have a happy childhood, and that's what I'm doing.”
Her website outlines the themes of Jaz’s most popular keynote speeches, one of which, The Power of Everyday Heroes, is recommended specifically for educators. I wanted to know more. “The idea is it’s not huge, massive acts – same with parenting – it’s the smallest things you can do that literally interrupt someone's negative story about themselves. I describe this in my book where I write about five teachers who interrupted that trajectory for me, like Mr Simpson who stood in the corridor and smiled every morning, ‘hey, how you doing? Good to see you. Glad you're here’. That doesn't sound like much, but he was often the only adult who would be interested in me or say anything nice to me.
Mrs Cook told me I was brave. She was a great teacher, and everything was exciting about her. She clearly loved me, and she told me I was brave. That was a better ‘story’ than the one I had when I was 11 and I was living with a pimp. They’d taken me shopping for clothes, and I was breaking down in the dressing room, when I suddenly remembered Mrs Cook from six years ago, so I dropped the dress, ran out the shop, and went to a police station. That's the difference that an everyday hero makes.
They don't even need to be in the room. It's when someone pours something into you. You don't need a degree, you don't need any training, it's the smallest, simplest things that you can do for others that have a massive impact on them and mean a lot to them.”
Jaz’s Tips
For Parents
If your kid is starting school this month – primary or secondary – be the parent who sends an email saying ‘my child had a great day today. Thanks for that’. The first time schools usually hear from parents is when something’s wrong but be that parent who says, ‘we noticed this, and thanks’. Because that school is going to have a massive impact on your kid, so don't be enemies.
The second thing, don’t ask your kids when they come home from school, ‘what did you do today?’ Or ‘did you have a good day?’ It’s a hard question, and often kids want to regulate when they get home; they're knackered. Wait until dinner, and go round the table asking WWW (what went well) and EBI (even better if) [ie, it would have have been even better if…].
Rebranding failure is tip number three. It's not about getting it wrong, and it's not about being perfect. I used to say to my kids, ‘hey, what did you fail at today?’ Getting it wrong is critical. It's how you learn. Rebrand it into a different conversation.
Your job is to make your kid feel two things: it's okay to be you, and you are unconditionally loved.
For educators
In starting a new term, remember you are not God. You don't have to do everything. You are not meant to change the world by teaching the bus stop method for long division to six-year-olds. Be human first.
Lead yourself before you lead anyone else. Do what you need to do to look after yourself. It's not selfish to take care of yourself, and then you can show up and shine for everyone else.
Stop wearing it as a badge that you were up late marking and doing displays, and you're in at six the next day, and you didn't even notice that your husband grew a beard. Stop taking that as a win. We want to say to the kids, work hard, do your best, and one day you could be just like me, and if your story is bitter, twisted, knackered, and praying for retirement, that is not a compelling story.
Because of You, This is Me by Jaz Ampaw-Farr (2025, Independent Thinking Press) is available from all good booksellers. Find out more at jazampawfarr.com
